just do it. That was my go-to tool to distance myself from vulnerability long before it became a NIKE mantra. Yes, this is a confession. I suffer from the disease of Perfection!
You'll recognize it when your image of being perfect gets in the way of who you are and is replaced by who you think you’re supposed to be. Being who you are exposes you genuinely to what people think. Now you’re vulnerable and vulnerability feels weird. At least for me up until now. The Perfect Paulette is making room for the vulnerable Paulette but not without a struggle. This year brought the message home in a significant way. I had a stroke. And in a split second, I had no control. Like most things in my life, I look into what happens and take accountability. But this was my body saying, "You're not listening." I ended up in the hospital and was looking out the window of my room to a clear view of Mt. Rainier in all its glory when a doctor I didn't know walked in and leaned up against the wall across from my bed and crossed her arms. She looked me in the eye and said, "You were lucky, you got a warning, most people just die." My doctor has been telling me for years to take a statin because of my family history and high cholesterol. Did I listen? No. I had my image of Perfection operating, and that was Perfect health. I was invincible; I didn't need help; that's weak. OMG. In the midst of it all, lying in that hospital bed, I had to laugh. My old friend Perfection was still running the show. I loved my image of Perfect Paulette and started to see that when I embraced my imperfections they made me … well … more Perfect. My strategy is if I had to stumble into vulnerability, I didn't stay there for long. Just long enough to learn something and move on! My dearest friend told me to stop being so Perfect and listen for a change. It's not weak to ask for help; it's smart. Brene Brown says to "lean into the discomfort … instead of trying to make it go away." Why do I always seem to wait for the breakdown? I even have a slogan, breakdowns into breakthroughs. That's true, but do they have to be such big breakdowns? Can I embrace vulnerability and its cousin, uncertainty, before a breakdown makes it unavoidable? The author reminds us, "The universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." After I left the hospital, I walked into my local bookstore on the island where I live and saw the book with IMPERFECT on the cover. It jumped off the shelf! I joked with the clerk, "Oh, that's me!" And she responded, "That's all of us!" and we both laughed. I had no idea this would be the start of realizing how I numb myself from feelings of vulnerability with my valiant cry of Just Do It. Still, I wouldn't say I like vulnerability, but I'm shaking hands with it to find out what’s missing when truth hides behind image. Thank you, Brené. |
PAULETTE'S BOOKSHELFPAULETTE LOVES BOOKS!
She is an avid reader on many subjects and shares inspirations for mindful practices based on the stories, philosophies, and teachings shared by authors worldwide. She believes you can find the secrets to living a profoundly happy and healthy life in the pages of many a manuscript authored by masters and novices alike. Paulette shares what she's learned in easy-to-apply morsels as she practices the insights in her approach to mindfulness, communication, conflict, and just being yourself. Write to Paulette if a book you love has changed your perspective. Or read one of the books she's listed here and let her know what you've taken away as a personal practice. |