If you were to tell me just one word that describes your personality, what would it be?

I must admit. I’m bossy! I’ve tempered my natural bossiness by listening more, encouraging others to decide, and deepening my understanding of how different personalities think and express themselves.

In some situations I realized, being the smart person I am, bossy didn’t work to:

• Influence outcomes,

• Energize relationships, or

• Solve problems

So I had to develop the ability to dance more effectively in conversations with different personalities in order to solve problems instead of causing problems!

Here’s what I’ve learned that can help you with personalities that are difficult for you.

1. Take a breath and don’t speak! As much as you’d like to take back your words or get a redo, you can’t and you don’t. An apology helps when you blunder, but it’s better to be quiet and think. If you like to think out loud, let others know what you’re doing by invitation, “Let’s think out loud.” Just that statement will help you let go of any attachment to what you’re about to say. You’ll stop blurting and start breathing.

2. Sleep on it. This is one of my favorite strategies for slowing down a response and disengaging from reactive thoughts or emotions. The real beauty of sleeping on it is to wake up the next morning with nothing to clean up. I always see something that I didn’t see the day before when my response is clouded by reaction. Think about the times you reflected on what you did, and in reflection can see possibilities that weren’t clear in the moment. Take advantage of that reflection before you decide on what to say or do. Then you can be in action instead of reaction.

3. Take people at their word. Don’t put words into someone’s mouth or assume you know what they meant. Instead ask them questions. This is much harder than it sounds, because we assign meaning to what’s being said, rather than inquiring into the message. Be willing to engage with what’s real versus assumptions colored by your likes and dislikes, or your desire to get along.

4. Be conscious of your micro messaging. Your words are less than 10% of your communication. Your personality comes through in your tone of voice and body language. If everything comes out of your mouth as a demand, then people will think you’re bossy! Mea culpa. Even if what you say is you’re open, listening, and patient, your tone will trump your words. What does your tone of voice and your body language communicate?

5. Learn about other personality types. It’s eye opening to understand that people you live and work with, can see a different world. And they also might approach tasks and relationships with an altogether distinct way of operating from yours. That’s the beauty and the bane of personalities. They complement and conflict. Be a learning machine, and see where you are more effective and less effective. It’s in this way you’ll notice where you are acting productively, quite naturally. And you will also notice where you are not effective. Then you can practice a different way of being until it becomes part of how you operate.

These 5 practices are powerful in transforming your ability to communicate productively, and increase your compatibility with others.

Your personality is like your favorite dance. You may be more country than rock and roll.  But if you learn how to move your body to a different rhythm, you develop the ability to dance no matter what song gets played.

Let me know what you discover.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.