The Third Possibility: THE POWER TO INQUIRE

This is a practice in staying open-minded even in difficult conversations. It’s a practice that will stretch your thinking and strengthen your relationships beyond current boundaries and limitations. While reading this practice, think about conversations that are difficult for you, and discover what you can do to create a third possibility and a true exchange of ideas. 

Creating the “third possibility” relies on the power to inquire. What is the power to inquire? Let me break it down.

Power is the ability to do or act. To inquire is the ability to question without preconceived notions. The power to inquire is the ability to have a dialogue without your answers or opinions getting in the way.

First you have to acknowledge that you have preconceived notions before you ever start a conversation, dialogue, or interaction. Simply stated your preconceived notions are derived from what you think is right or wrong. If you wish to inquire into the nature of something you must know your bias and set it to the side so you can ask questions and truly be open to discover something new. 

All you have to do is watch two people arguing to understand that it’s hard to set your “bias” to the side. Most people don’t think they’re biased, they think they’re right. What makes it easier is to shift your thinking from being certain you are right (making anyone who disagrees with you wrong) and be open to the idea you may be right and there may be other points of view that are equal or better than yours. 

If you think you’re right and someone else is wrong you only have two possibilities, which places you squarely in a forced choice—which I call the dilemma of either/or thinking. The dilemma of “either/or thinking shows up like this:  EITHER: I’m right and you’re wrong. OR: I’m wrong and you’re right. This is a classic definition of a tug of war and will shut down the power to inquire into anything other than the two choices. In a tug of war you lose any further discovery that could emerge from the cultivation of a third possibility, like putting down the rope. Practicing the power of inquiry moves you out of the orbit of an either/or choice and opens up the field for entertaining something new. President Obama illustrated an either/or choice scenario in his inaugural address when he said, “We reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.” and extended an invitation to the world to solve the problems we face from shared interests and respect. He rejected the notion that it was either safety or ideals and offered a third possibility.

Innovation comes from questioning existing notions about what’s possible and offering something new and unprecedented. The potential of the third possibility is to create breakthroughs in our thinking, words and actions. 

This practice applies the same kind of innovative thinking that creates breakthroughs in political issues, to your everyday relationships, and communication. The power to inquire is part of your essential originality that allows curiosity at any age. It replaces excessive criticism with interest that is fresh and available. You’ll be able to discover what’s possible instead of the same stale arguments promoted day-to-day in the either/or world.

What’s the risk? You may be saying that you don’t have the time to inquire … or that it slows down the decision making process. I see that as a benefit. Most decisions are not emergencies and if you’ve ever said, “I wish I would have thought that through or talked to someone else about it,” or “I wish I would have listened to you,” you know that slowing down decision making with further inquiry could serve you, your family and business. Take a moment and think about what causes you to refuse to consideration of a different thought or idea from your way of thinking.  What’s the risk? Is it the unknown?

The risk is worth taking when you understand that the greatest block to your progress isn’t the unknown it’s the illusion of knowledge. You’ll know you’re gaining muscle in this practice when you leave a conversation or meeting exhilarated, thinking or challenged instead of heading to the proverbial water cooler to complain or with a bloated sense of being right.