I was taking an unhurried walk in Santa Barbara last week, and as I slowly breathed in, I recognized the captivating scent of night blooming jasmine. And sure enough, just around the corner, I found the plant growing wildly over a fence.

Every once in awhile, I find myself reacting from impatience, and in that moment of slowing down, I wondered if it had a scent as recognizable as night blooming jasmine. I’ve often experienced my trait of impatience as a sharpening of senses that brings an undeniable attention to the moment. Instead of being irritable or restless, I tell myself to slow down, be patient, and listen. But impatience can sneak up on me like a thirst for a certain result with a short-lived sense of triumph when I succeed, followed by the inescapable impression of force over influence.

Patience is a funny word because it has different meanings. It means tolerance, restraint, and acceptance; as well as perseverance, endurance, and determination.

How can you develop patience and still carry on? How can you recognize your impatience before it turns into attachment, and produces coercion over agreement?

When I began to look, I noticed two characteristics that have the scent of impatience.

1. Rush To Judgment
Sometimes I think we are judgment machines. We sort information and can quickly decide what will work based on experience. This is actually an effective mechanism, because the ability to think on your feet, make split second decisions, and take action can be the difference from being present to make a difference, and daydreaming about where else you’d like to be. However you may notice that your well-oiled judgment machinery has a tendency to rush in to decide what is good, bad, attractive, gross, productive, stupid, or just plain, head-shaking annoying, based on the past, vs. what is happening now.

If you catch yourself in a rush to judgment, and btw this can be hurrying to decide everything’s OK, as much as it is to anoint someone or some course of action as the wrong way to go,

Stop and ask yourself to what end are you rushing? What are you in a hurry to get to?

When I’ve asked myself these questions the answer is, well … hmmmm … to what’s next. Slowing down will reveal what’s present … and what’s next, all in perfect timing. Not all decisions need to be made right now.

Appreciation replaces the rush to judgment, time expands, and everything gets done.

2. Parting Shots
If you’ve ever had to have the last word, or have had a conversation with yourself about what you should have said, you’ve experienced the attraction of taking a parting shot. Resist this strategy. This is actually an attack strategy that came from the Parthian cavalrymen in the first century who would pretend to flee, and then turn to face the approaching villagers and fire a coordinated volley of arrows. It was a strategy that became known as the parting shot. Today we know it as a hostile gesture (think of driving in traffic), or a remark made in leaving.

Parting shots release a strong scent of impatience!

If you catch yourself attracted to taking a parting shot,

Stop and ask yourself what are you defending? What is the result you’re looking for?

When I’ve asked myself these questions the answer is never that I’m defending my driving! And I’m not looking to attack another human being. I’m looking for resolution, successful outcomes for all concerned, and equanimity. I’m looking to build relationships based on truth and love. Parting shots and a rush to judgment do nothing to support that commitment.

Practice
So your practice this week is to notice the scent of impatience, and just smile. With practice you’ll find there’s no need to act out of judgment or to take a parting shot.

You’ll slow down before you turn the corner and then, instead of finding impatience growing wildly, you’ll find peace of mind. You will have the delicious space to discover who you are as a patient human being, and perhaps solve the puzzle of how to be both tolerant and determined.

I’d enjoy hearing about any other characteristics you find that contribute to the scent of impatience.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.