Do you ever have any problems with certain people? They just aggravate you! You only have to see them and your stomach tightens, and you feel resistance rise in you as sure as the tide comes in each day. This is unfortunate news, but I’m here to tell you if that happens, you are at the effect of that person like a puppet on a string. How do you come back to a point of choice and power?

Actively look for something to like about that person. Now if you immediately negate that possibility by thinking about how to find something to like in a really despicable person. Stop it! I’m talking about your boss, a coworker, someone in your family … start there.

If you focus on someone’s shortcomings that will be all you see. If you focus on your own shortcomings that will also be all you see. What do you like in another? What do you like in yourself?

This is not to avoid facts or gloss over what shows up moment-to-moment, but a way to carry yourself as someone who is adept at creating good in their relationships, and dealing gracefully with what occurs in life.

I’ve been working with clients and one of the most common challenges is to resolve a difference in styles. I think we get offended too quickly. Then it takes time, attention, and understanding to overcome what could be averted in the first place if you allow for people to be themselves around you. I think you’ll quickly discover that if you like someone, you’re more interested in what they have to say.

The practice this week is simple. Actively look for what’s good in another. The key here is not to wait until you have proof that someone else is finding the good in you!

Let’s start this practice by thinking about someone where you’re currently having a dispute, conflict, difference of opinion, or just a gut reaction given his or her style of communication. Have you got that person in mind?

The behavior that gets you into a “dislike” scenario is attachment to being right! It could be a question of being right about how someone should act, communicate, or it could be over a concrete decision where you disagree.

If you ask more questions to find out what someone means by what they say rather then assume you know, you can create some space for a conversation rather than a “my way or the highway” dispute. One of the most powerful questions I ask is, “How did you come to that conclusion?” when the conclusion is different from what I would offer. But if you’re already “not liking” that person, it makes it much harder to be with them, ask questions, and listen to what they have to say like you could discover something new.

This week, with each person you connect with whether it’s face to face, on the phone, or email, think about what you like about that person. You’ll find that your conversations will naturally make a shift, and even those hard conversations will become easier. What will disappear is the belief in separation, and what will connect is the power of relationship.

Let me know what happens as you put this into practice. Especially when it’s hard to do, given the history you may have with certain people. It’s with those folks that this practice can be most profound.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.