I was reading a training manual for volunteers and one of the first sentences was that the key to a good relationship with volunteers is communication.

But as if neon lights were flashing around the words, I read: the key to a good relationship is communication. You can’t argue with that.

Misunderstandings are so easy because you have the ability to assign meaning to what people say. And if you ask too often, what did you mean by that, people may feel that they are on the spot to explain. And so what we’re left with is the idea that communication is essential to a good relationship, but how does that happen when you don’t ask, and no one wants to explain what they mean.

Are we doomed to expectations (I shouldn’t have to ask), assumptions (you know what I mean), and false impressions (how could you think that).

How do you have a conversation that doesn’t leave an impression that wasn’t your intention? What is your intention? To get what you want? Nothing is wrong with that. Ask for what you want! Though, don’t assume you’ll get a yes. Instead listen for the truth. Say what matters most to you, and leave room for others to say what matters most for them.

What if the intention in all your conversations is to connect with the other person and be present to listen? You can still make:

• Requests

• Invitations

• Assertions

• Declarations

And you can still give:

• Opinions

• Possibilities

• Answers

• Solutions

And you can still ask:

• Questions

All the above happens more easily if at the core of your communication is connection and presence. I was talking to a good friend about a mishap in communication, and giving her counsel on how to respond. It was a classic conflict of expectation. The winning strategy was for everyone to tell the truth and remove the expectation. One person made a request and the other said no, and counter offered. They came to an agreement, but were left wondering how it happened. They realized that they stopped communicating in the easy way they had for over a decade. Why? Because they got attached to a specific outcome. They forgot they were on the same team, and could explore possibilities, and ask for what they wanted. And then listen to include what the other person wanted.

How do you connect and be present? It resists description because it’s so effortless when you’re in that state. There’s no separation, just the conversation. You’re not thinking about what you’re going to say or what you want, you’re speaking from the inside of each other. Asking questions, interested, learning, exploring, laughing, loving and including each other.

You definitely know when you’re not in the conversation. You say things like:

• Are you mad at me?

• What’s wrong?

• Are you OK?

• What’s going on?

• What do you want?

And sometimes, it has nothing to do with you. But you notice something is off, because the key to a good relationship is not ignorance, or an obsession with being right, or assuming you know everything. It’s communication.

Things happen! Problems happen! Breakdowns happen!

What’s inside of your control is to have a conversation from balance, truth, and a willingness to listen, love, and laugh. To look into a subject together.

Are there any conversations you’re waiting to have? Go ahead. Just have them as if you're about to discover something new.

Let me know what happens.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.