The word love in the English language has so many meanings. Did you know that it comes from a root shared by the Sanskrit term lubhyati and Latin libido, both meaning desire? Attraction, affection, and appreciation come to mind when thinking about love. So does giving and placing value on others’ happiness.

I’ve heard people say that they love too much. I don’t think you can love too much when the foundation is wholehearted, complete, and without limitation. This is not to be confused with a dysfunctional need to be loved or to sacrifice what you want at every turn, finding yourself with the inability to be happy, make requests or say no. Instead, think about an unconditionality that contributes to your spiritual growth and happiness.

How do you develop a healthy unconditional love that has at the core wanting others to be happy? Consider the following:

1. Your life is enhanced as your attachments decrease.

2. Giving up the feeling of satisfaction over an opponent’s unhappiness also releases anger, revenge, hurt, and hatred. The past ceases to create the future.

3. Unconditional love is not a place devoid of feeling, or neutrality without caring; it’s an inclination enhanced by practicing loving kindness, connection and completeness.

4. Your happiness is not rooted in needing to be loved; it’s rooted in acceptance.

Decreasing Attachments: This is a lifelong practice. First, is recognizing what you’re attached to. Is it an outcome, emotion, self-image, approval, the past, or to cherished ideas? The core of attachment is an excessive need to be right. Attachment to being right interferes everyday in the ability to communicate, give feedback, listen, and find resolutions that last. And it’s unnecessary. You don’t need it to have a conversation, take action or make a commitment. Attachment to being right is felt in the demand that you add to your tone of voice, the force you add to your actions, and the stress you add to your body. Could you have the conversation or take the action without attachment? Yes, and if you do, you’ll find that you’re present to experience the moment, just as it is.

Releasing Conditions: When you give up your attachment to being right, your ability to move beyond the limits of your thinking is available. The walls come down and whatever happened in the past can be integrated, so you can make choices, and not be bound by old ways of reacting. This gives you a profound freedom to take new action now. You’re not forcing forgiveness; you’re opening the gates to insight, and entering a state of radical presence of mind and heart.

Practicing Connection: Walk a mile in someone else's shoes. You don’t need to practice connection with the people you already feel connected to. Practice with those where you don’t experience a connection. Holding feelings of separation requires effort to keep the distance in place. Moving your effort to connection inclines your thinking to discovery. When you don’t experience connection with others, imagine what someone would say who loves them unconditionally, just the way they are.

Including Acceptance: This is not to be confused with giving up, or ceasing to make an effort, or resigning yourself to failure. Acceptance is a way of seeing that opens your mind and heart to what is happening and what has happened, bringing clarity to this moment in time. You begin to include your life just as it is, and accept yourself just as you are. Resistance leaves, and in its place comes a vision of what’s possible now.
So here’s the practice this week, it’s simple and has two parts:

1. PAUSE
Take a breath before you speak, send an email, or take action. Take a longer pause by sleeping on the impulse of attachment, anger, or any action grounded in thoughts of separation, getting even, or punishing. Awaken with an inclination to loving-kindness. You can have the conversation in the morning with a different tone. There is no blame, just accountability, consequences, dialogue, and action. There’s nothing to avoid. Connection conversations are steeped in unconditional love, and allow true resolution to emerge. Meditate on the golden rule and do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. Ask of others what you ask of yourself.

2. CLOSE YOUR EYES AND ASK YOURSELF: ARE YOU HAPPY RIGHT NOW?
Unconditional love flowers as you become less dependent on conditions being right as the basis of your happiness. It is part of your happiness. There is pleasure when the way you want it to be lines up with the way it is. But it is not dependent; otherwise you will always be waiting for the outcome to experience the profound connection to all of life that unconditional love allows now.

Let me hear from you on how you experience this practice and your response to the question, are you happy right now.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.