This is one of my favorite topics. I write and speak about it because I've seen too many people settle for a life of complaining, instead of thinking through what they want and taking action.  I've noticed when I'm in action there's no room for complaints, and conversely when I'm complaining, I'm not in action.

Complaints replace action.

The problem is not that we have complaints; it's what we do with them that either initiates action, or perpetuates disappointment. In my research and experience I find that fulfillment is tied to action, and complaining erodes it.

What do you notice about yourself when you have a complaint? Think about one you have right now. It could be a new complaint or a lingering complaint. It could be about you, others, or the circumstances you live with everyday. Do you hold onto your complaint like Linus holds onto his blanket? Do you talk to other people, get frustrated, annoyed or angry, or just give up? Or do you do something about it?

Now, think about someone you know who is constantly complaining. What is the central message of their complaint?  It's probably one of two things, or maybe both. 1: It's  the fault of someone else.  Or 2: they've tried everything and nothing works.

Complainers are clearly annoyed about the subject of their grievances, but they become annoying when they don't take action. The more attached they are to their complaint, the harder it is for them to consider something new.

If you were complaining to me, I would ask you to tell me what you want.  It's a hard question to answer, especially if you are more comfortable complaining than asking for what you want. This is also true if you're in the habit of blaming yourself, others or life itself.

Complaining is a way to fill in the gap between the way things are and the way you think they should be.  Unfortunately this doesn't work because resisting the way it is doesn't bring you any closer to having what you want, nor does it resolve the complaint.

What you resist persists.

A more effective way to close the gap between the way it is and the way you want it to be is to actively accept the way it is, without resistance. Acceptance brings you to this present moment so you can take action, if you choose. This allows you to engage fully with what is happening now.

Acceptance is not resignation. Resignation says you can't make a difference. It also says you're not going to do anything but complain. You may even find others who will complain with you. OK, now you have a coalition, but you still haven't changed anything!

This uplifting moment is designed for you to have results instead of complaints, and be able to develop an ongoing practice to focus on what you want.

This is a simple and terrific practice. You don't have to avoid complaints, or give up and be resigned that nothing will change. You also don't have to get angry or frustrated or annoyed. Instead you can get engaged with what's possible now.

Here are five practices you can use today, to begin living without complaint:

1.    Turn your complaints into requests.
2.    Ask clarifying questions.
3.    Make an offer of help.
4.    Personally promise to take action in a specific time frame.
5.    Stop complaining!

In order to use these practices think about what you want instead of what you don't want. In answering the question, "What do you want?" think through not only what you want, but also why you want it. Why does it matter to you?

Your practice this week is to turn any complaint into a request, promise, question, or offer of help. You ask questions in order to understand what happened and also to inform any request or promise you make. Remember practice 5, if you're not going to do anything, you can stop complaining.

Engaging with these practices demonstrates your commitment to resolve the complaints in your life.

It's important to know that you may not get a yes to your request or offer. Your job is just to ask. The other person's job is to respond. If you don't ask the answer is already no. It's empowering to realize that negotiation starts with a no. That will be the topic of another uplifting moment! The intention here is to clear the complaints in your life. When you do, you create space for what you want.

Feel free to let me know your results, and ask me for coaching if you run into any obstacles.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

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