I had a conversation that didn’t end well. After the fact I wished I had a reset button and could start over.

I was practicing yoga this morning when it came to mind how simple it is to reset a factory with new equipment, or reset a life with new practices, but impossible to re-set past actions or conversations. Apologies and forgiveness mitigates the past, but the words and actions still stand. 

As I stretched into the forward facing hero I smiled. Facing forward is always easier for me then facing backward. 

It wasn’t thoughts of the far past, but the recent conversation that plagued my mind. I don’t speak unkind words. I don’t roll that way. But I noticed how unkindness could creep into my actions by dismissing another’s concerns as surely as an unkind word can wound a heart.

It could be as simple as not inviting someone to a dinner party, or as complicated as a termination process at work. 

My commitment in the world is to speak the truth with love. I find that if I’m not kind, I have separated myself from the other person in thought, words, and action. When I do that, they don’t exist for me as a living, feeling, and breathing face of all of us. To speak the truth with love is to recognize yourself in another. 

I’m using one instance, and it’s a silly one really, as a lesson to learn. I didn’t include a couple of people in a dinner. It would have been easy to do. I thought I was doing this to benefit the rest of the group, but after the fact, I realized that it only hurt the two people who weren’t included. Today I can’t fathom why. 

The lesson I learned? Kindness has a foundation in generosity. So I’ll heed the wisdom of Eckhart Tolle, first there’s me, then there’s we, then there’s all of us. Here’s to finding the “all of us” in everyone, everyday. 

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment

I listen to people every day who stop themselves from doing anything new by giving an excuse (same old story) that can sound true (family, time constraints, work issues) about why they can’t start now what they want to do that is both fulfilling and nourishing.

I could give a cursory, understanding nod. It would take less then a blink of the eye. Instead I stop what I’m doing and look them in the eyes with a smile that envelops both of us. I may be the one person, the only person who doesn’t believe their story, and so I declare: You can stop waiting and start now! 

Over the course of 2013, I will share with you my tried and true “stop waiting start now” practices. Here are 4. 

1. Never give up. Accomplishments and failures only exist in accumulated memories. Memories don’t dictate what you can do today. Surrender the memories to what’s possible now. Your spirit is indomitable. Shape up your mind, body, and emotions. Stop waiting to enjoy what you do. Fulfillment is in the action you take right now.
2. Let go of something today. Clean up your desk, home, a drawer or garage. Throw stuff in the trash or recycle by giving it away.  The space you’ll clear isn’t just physical. Cleaning up creates spacious thinking. Stop waiting to clean up! Be complete now.
3. Live, laugh, and forgive. Ups and downs are part of living. Forgiveness is the practice involved in releasing any attachment to being up or down. Forgiveness knows that this too shall past however you characterize events of the day. Stop waiting to forgive. Be compassionate now.
4. Pay attention to anger. Anger is reaction. Pay attention so you can reveal the source of your reaction. Look into the reaction and refocus your energy to be smart and take appropriate action now. Take longer to reflect. It’s easier to take thoughtful action, than to undo thoughtless reaction. Stop waiting for the next moment to be aware. Be awakened now.

Start now with these 4. More to come!

I was listening to the radio on my drive to work and a mortgage commercial yelled, “By now you’ve quit your diet and exercise regime” and then went on to say that they wouldn’t quit on you!

Wow. What a positive affirmation. Not!

But there was a measure of truth to it. It made me think about how often we’ll announce a new goal but don’t take any steps to make it happen. Just hoping that it will magically manifest out of our desire, instead of micro managing the details to turn the course of events in the direction we want to go. 

So how do you micro manage? You start micro measuring! 

Measuring is different from a guess. Think about when you get on the scale and the number moves higher and you think, I didn’t eat that much yesterday. But the truth of the matter is you didn’t measure so how would you know? 

I’m not making not measuring wrong. There are things to measure and then there are things that are immeasurable. It serves us to know the difference. 

Measure what you want to achieve so you can note your progress.

• Diet
• Exercise
• Profit

What you measure gets done, and sometimes it works to micro measure to bring awareness to what you’re doing. Measurement allows obstacles that sometimes remain far in the background to be seen and dealt with. Measurement brings lessons and naturally evolves your ability to achieve what you want in the areas that are worthwhile to you. What you measure allows you to both trust the process and verify that it produces the results you’re looking for.

Don’t measure what is intrinsic to a life worth living:

• Compassion
• Forgiveness
• Love

You don’t have to measure out a spoonful of love or compassion as if it’s in limited supply. You can sprinkle it everywhere with a kind word, a smile or a helpful hand.

You can also sprinkle in not measuring by not setting your alarm or eating what you want for just one day, going for a run or hike and not timing it. Or going for a drive and letting the adventure of not knowing where you’ll end up surprise you. It’s the Zen of measuring!

So I’m measuring and not measuring. Whatever goals are measurable, I measure. Whatever goals are immeasurable, I give unconditionally.

My love goes with you as you read this Uplifting Moment.

It’s startling how many people wait for happiness as if it’s going to come in the door once everything is perfect!

Thinking happiness will happen when all conditions are met is an outside in approach. Think about it. Outside in means you have to wait to be happy. Outside in means happiness is capricious and random where you are at the whim of circumstances in your life.

Now I know it’s easier to be happy when all is working according to your expectations of how life should be. But hold on … you may already notice that your expectations sometimes just don’t match reality.

Expectations include waiting for someone else to make you happy whether it’s a co-worker, customer, family member, friend or spouse.

Well you could just keep waiting for them to get it! But consider that you are responsible for your own happiness. If you’re waiting for someone else to make you happy and they continually disappoint you … Stop Waiting.

If you’re waiting for life to be perfect and it’s not happening … Stop Waiting.

Instead practice these 8 ways to stop waiting for happiness and create happiness by allowing life to be perfect just the way it is and just the way it isn’t. You’ll find the practices refreshing, and they’ll help release your genius for creating happiness.

1. Be responsible for your own happiness. Do for yourself what you want others to do for you. Be happy doing it.
2. Remember you can’t make any one else happy. Sometimes you’re blessed by having the conditions of your life fit someone else expectations. Those times are wonderful just don’t get attached! Be happy just to be together.
3. Be happy listening to other’s requests of you. No is a legitimate and happy response to a request. No often opens up a conversation about what’s possible. Be happy to be asked.
4. Listen to “no” to your request as just that, it’s someone exercising his or her freedom to choose. Be happy for someone having the courage to say no.
5. Count your blessings. Be happy for all you’re given.
6. Happiness is contagious. Be happy for other’s happiness.
7. Accept what is. Be happy with what you have.
8. Request what you want. Be happy you know!

Happiness is a choice. Make it a daily choice and spread happiness around today!

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

Happy New Year!

Welcome to the first day, after the last day on earth. For some who believe in prophesies, or better yet interpretations of prophesies, yesterday may have been the day they gave away their car to the next stranger who walked by, because they believed they wouldn’t be needing it.

At work yesterday several people noted cheerfully that we’re all still here! On my drive back to Santa Barbara last night, the news reported that some experts are saying the date was wrong. The newscaster said some say it could be Sunday and others put the date sometime next year.

Fact or fiction?

I have to confess I love reading fiction. Great storytelling gives me a way of looking at life from a new angle.

Mysteries are my favorite. Sinking into a comfortable chair I suspend reality and live in the world the author creates. When a compelling story winds its way to the end, I’m just a little sad that it’s over, and hope for a sequel that will tell me how the characters and story evolve.

Michael, my husband and the love of my life for over 30 years, has recently finished a book of fiction called Angel Seed. He said that after several years of trying to write the next great “how to live your truth” book he discovered that fiction was more fun, with less rules.

Coincidentally his book is set in the jungles of Guatemala; where Mayans (perhaps unwittingly) began the most current prophesy of the end of the world. Two opposing forces clash there: science and religion. Thrown into the mix are an archeologist and a mystic who discover seeds left by angels at the dawn of time and a compass carved by Jesus that takes the bearer to a state of mind called the Third State.

Good fiction leaves me with questions. Angel Seed left me wondering about the seeds that I plant every day, and pondering the next evolutionary leap for the human race. What are we evolving into, and how do we evolve to a higher path? Are we angels in the making, and if we are, even if it’s only fiction, what could we do differently with our lives and our relationships?

I recommend Angel Seed. It’s a spiritual mystery, written with intelligence and love, and it will leave you wondering what’s out there.

If you want to order a digital copy of the book, it’s only $4.99, go to Amazon Kindle or Apple iBooks.

Have fun this week and read something that inspires your musings about what’s possible.

My love goes with you as you read this Uplifting Moment.

Running down the road in Santa Barbara I was filled with gratitude for a life worth living.

The blessings of every day life floated blissfully through my mind, keeping tempo with each stride I took.

The air I breathe
The love I feel
The health to run
The bounty of work
The power of friendship
The peace of relationship
The endless opportunities
The beauty of true love
The acceptance of family for hanging-in forever through thick and thin

Last week I was reminded of Albert Einstein’s reflection on miracles. He said you could see life as if nothing is a miracle or life as if everything is a miracle.

To see life as a miracle is to see it with wonder. And then naturally you see an expanded view that includes more than you know of current conditions or people. You blink away the veil of attachment to a particular point of view that may be keeping you cranky or separate in your thoughts, words, or actions.

With an attitude of gratitude, I can smile at life’s twists and turns that have brought me where I am today. Rain falls. Sun shines. And everything in between.

The more I see life as a miracle, the more I realize that the blessings already are. Just waiting to be noticed. And, it only takes a slight turn in their direction to be filled with unexpected moments of wonder. Join me this week and let gratitude, miracles, and blessings guide the way we communicate, interact, and cook! Have a wonderful thanksgiving.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

At last someone is going to tell you that you don’t have to clean up! Finally the secret is out.

Drum roll please!

You avoid cleaning up by not making a mess in the first place.

I could just say that life is messy, and so of course you’ll have to clean up as you go. But there are some messes that you could avoid and save yourself hours of clean up.

Any immediately come to mind?

There are three areas where the “messes” show up for me, and probably you too!

1. Physical Space
2. Conversations
3. Incompletions

My physical space is sacred. I can work with papers all around me, but at the end of the day I’m not cleaning, instead I’m reordering my space so when I walk in the next morning it’s waiting for me fresh and ready.

I also pull something out of my bag each morning that’s inspiring and put it on my desk, a book on enlightenment or my spiritual journal. It’s a source of energy guiding my commitment to fill my space with love no matter how my day unfolds.

The rest is easy. I make a list at the end of the day with what I want to do the next day. Every piece of paper gets filed or in the trash. It’s a simple clean approach. As I crumple each paper intended for the trash or drop emails or papers in a file, I’m aware of what I’ve accomplished that day as well as what’s left to be done. I walk out of my office smiling.

Conversations are clear when you’re listening and speaking from compassion. Learn from every conversation. Notice what made the mess in the first place. If you’re not speaking from compassion, what is the state of mind you are speaking from? It usually has something to do with a “have to”. I have to be right or make you suffer for what you did or said!

If you notice that you keep talking, and just keep making a bigger mess, stop talking! I sometimes have to do something physical to clear up my thinking so my words are in alignment with the results I want to have. Peace, Civility, Love, Resolution, Health, and Happiness.

Be clear on the result you want to achieve. Would you rather be healed or right?

Completion happens when there’s no trace of the events of the day. Sometimes I have to make amends to clean up the mess of the day. After all we are human. What saves me most of the time is the act of asking questions until something becomes clear.

Just the other day one of my associates gave another associate some heated critical feedback in front of a third co-worker. Yikes. I was walking by and could feel the tension. The upset wasn’t about the actual problem that was happening, but was about a previous problem where the person felt disregarded. Since the first event remained incomplete, the second event exploded.

Conversations and incompletions go hand in hand to make messes! Just because someone else seems inconsiderate, disrespectful, or even obnoxious doesn’t mean you have to be.

Incompletions are also those conversations you’ve had where you made a promise (to yourself or others) to do something you’ve been putting off. Get it on your list and do it. The hardest part is getting started. We put some things off with excuses like “I’m not ready,” or “I’ll get to it later,” or (fill in your favorite incompletion excuse).

Incompletions are like that drawer in your kitchen or the entire garage that keeps getting filled with stuff. Clean out the garage of your incompletions, and you’ll experience a rush of energy and fulfillment.

This week don’t make messes with your thoughts, words, or actions. Design your conversations to leave you and others clean, just like you would design your physical space. Complete each day by noting what you’ve accomplished, and making a list of what still needs to be done to rest your mind and emotions.

Try these practices today and notice what happens in your physical space, conversations, and with your list of incompletions. You’ll have a “cleawwwner” week, a rested mind, and the physical space to have fun. Stop waiting. Start now.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

.

SLOW DOWN NOW 

Slow down kind of mitigates the notion of immediate if you define immediate as hurry up! But if you think a little longer, you may like me, appreciate the intersection of the words. Slow down is self-evident, now is immediate.

SLOWING DOWN NOW allows you to:

1. Consider your fulfillment before you make a choice.
2. Recognize that it’s not too late to start now.
3. Speak words that move you and others forward.
4. Let words remain unspoken that don’t.
5. Consider what’s possible instead of what’s wrong.
6. Fix what’s wrong or move on.
7. Do what fulfills you first thing every morning before work, email, phone calls or it’s one more day where you complain about not having time.
8. Make time.

I started with #8. I’m making time to do what fulfills me. I get up earlier to do it. I prepare the night before so I don’t have to think about it. I lay out my running gear, shoes, and iPhone. I skip the extra glass of distilled spirits the night before! I hit the road breathing deeply, and consider my good fortune to do something I love to do each day.

I’m slowing down to the speed of now.

Every time I tell myself I’ll run later, I laugh and recognize that my procrastination mechanism still has a voice. I know from experience it is an inveterate excuse maker. I don’t have to make excuses when I’m fulfilled now.

Instead of waiting for future choices, or the futile attempt to rectify past choices, I recognize that fulfillment is in the choices I make today. If a breakdown happens and I can’t get out the door even at the crack of dawn, I don’t worry about it! My practice can accept the exception. It’s progress not perfection that I’m experiencing. 

So I traded in worrying about when I’d get the time to taking the time.

It was much easier than I thought. It took just a slight resorting of priorities, and slowing down to consider fulfillment. NOW.

Try it; you’ll like the way you feel!

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

Would you coach them to dwell in it? Or gloss over it? Or complain about it?

None of the above, instead I say, “Bring it on.”

It’s leaning into the inevitable.

It’s facing the storm.

It’s strengthening your very soul before doubt can take hold as a way of being.

You bring your attention to what is in front of you, so you can take deliberate action.

You don’t pretend that something or someone could be different or better. You are a conscious being. You see clearly now, and that is what allows you to say, “Bring it.” Bring it now, not later. Now.

You are responsible for your intent and actions. Make both conscious acts of faith in yourself. What you focus on will grow. If you focus on doubt identify the intention of your doubt. What does it serve? Is it telling you to steer clear of an obstacle? Is it telling you to pay attention?

I say that doubt is not here to make you feel worthless! It’s here for you to use. Use it to wake-up, don’t let doubt use you to immobilize your game.

The result is you’ll surprise yourself. No doubt you’ve already put in the time and your game has evolved. You have evolved. Refinements continue to happen. You are on “the learning curve of evolution”, and see more easily what you may have missed before. And you keep playing, and you win.

So when the temptation is to hide, feel bad, wonder how you got to this dark place of self-doubt again, face it.

When it’s fear, face it.

When it’s a relationship fading, face it.

When it’s that last 10 pounds, face it.

When it’s aging, face it.

When it’s a job that’s changing, face it.

This is actually what you have been asking for, the opportunity to wake up.

So rewire self-doubt today, and say: Bring it on!

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

Recommended reading: Along The Path To Enlightenment: 365 Daily Reflections by David R. Hawkins

Conditional happiness anyone?

It means conditions have to be right for you to be happy!

It’s great when conditions are perfect. But then you’re only happy when things are going great. Job is good, relationships are working, and health is radiant. It’s a top of the world experience. 

We’ve been there, and then something happens and conditions aren’t perfect. Then the tendency is for happiness to fly out the door. So I wonder if happiness is sustainable, can it be unconditional?

I’m doing an experiment on sustainable happiness, and notice that when happiness fades it’s not so much due to something pleasant fading.

It’s more due to:

1. Facing something I’ve been putting off
2. Staying on track with goals
3. Dealing with daily obstacles 

We create happiness not just in achievement and completion of what we set out to do (otherwise we’re always waiting for the end to be happy), but in sustainable habits that bring a state of well-being in our daily mental and physical practices.

So I practice completing what’s incomplete, staying on course, and dealing with what shows up with a smile. Obstacles are part of life’s interferences, and it’s up to us how we view them.

I tend to see obstacles as encouragement to continue. 

Practices are amplified if you have a special someone, team, or group to practice with. Whether it’s a yoga class, facing an obstacle with your work team, or sitting with someone and breaking bread, find a partner to practice with, and be happy in whatever you do this week.

Happiness is in the air. Breathe it in.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

2 people.
Same story.
2 approaches.

Both people wanted to move out and away from where they found themselves trapped.

Both were comfortable in their physical environments, but not happy, fulfilled, or energized in their every day life.

Both people started with a complaint! The complaints were worded a little differently, but the bottom line was “this wasn’t supposed to be the way it turned out!”

But that’s where the similarity ended.

Person 1 kept complaining, “Nothing I can do, I’m a victim of circumstances. I have to wait for something to change.”

Person 2 turned the complaint into a promise to get moving to a new city, a new avocation, and a new life … all accomplished in 6 months.

The contrast reminded me of that old saying by George Bernard Shaw:

The reasonable person adapts to conditions.
The unreasonable person adapts conditions to their self.
All progress depends on the unreasonable person. 

If we want progress in our lives, we have to dream big, turn our complaints into big promises, and then take the action to make it so. Think about your complaints as telling you what’s missing, instead of what’s wrong; what’s possible, instead of unreachable. 

It may feel like a steep climb to get where you want to go. Staying on an even surface or going downhill may be easier, but when you make the climb, the view from the top of the hill is spectacular.

Dream big and use your gift. We all have a gift to get us through uncertainty.

Person 1 has the gift of creativity, which is being used to weave excuses. Person 2 also has the gift of creativity, which is being used to visualize the future, plan the action, and make it happen.

Same gift used differently.

It’s not that we aren’t going to complain. You will and I will.

What’s the opportunity in a complaint? It’s easy. We just have to catch ourselves in the act of complaining, and instead of grousing about ourselves, others, or the circumstances we find ourselves in, get moving up the hill. 

Then when I see you at the top of the hill it will be with a smile of recognition for what it took to get there. 

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

I have to admit to a pet peeve.

It’s when people argue for limitation.

I have to take a deep breath instead of giving them a swift kick!

Here’s how to know if you’re arguing for limitation, which includes old stories of how you couldn’t, wouldn’t, and didn’t in the past, or how you’re a victim of present circumstances in the here and now.

This is my short list for arguing for greatness. I figure if you’re going to argue for anything, make it great!

1. Be 100% accountable for what is or isn’t happening in your life right now. It’s also revealing to be 100% accountable for what’s occurred up until now. It will leave breadcrumbs to identify a different, fulfilling path. Argue for what you want, not what you don’t want.
2. Once you embrace #1, you’ll have a flash of insight into relationships and realize that not only are you 100% accountable, so is everyone else. You are responsible for your happiness. You can contribute to other’s happiness, but it’s an inside job for each of us to be happy. Otherwise happiness is tied to conditions being right instead of being tied to a decision to be happy. You can’t satisfy someone who doesn’t want to be happy. Argue for your happiness.
3. Don’t complain about your body, health, wealth, or fulfillment. Instead do one thing that makes a difference. Even if it’s 5 minutes a day! Then expand from that point. Argue for what you can do now. Stop waiting, and start now.
4. Trade in your ideal of how you should be. You’ll only compare yourself (and others) to that ideal. Comparison allows you to feel better or worse depending on the comparison! Instead trade your ideal for real. You won’t regret it! This is especially valuable in relationships since it allows you to see who someone is most authentically, and when you look in the mirror, who you are most authentically. It’s much easier to be who you are then to live up to an image. Argue for your authenticity.

Note that the word argue comes from the Latin arguere which means to assert and make clear. I assert that we are great and can do great things. This week let’s remind each other!

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

I watched a new product take shape over the last week. We were ready with the equipment, packaging, and preliminary design.

It was obvious the time line was short. No wiggle room if any time line broke down. And no one wasted any time complaining about the “ticking clock!”

All of us focused our energy on making it happen. And we did this in the midst of keeping all our other balls in the air.

It was beautiful to behold. As I sat back and reflected on what happened, I realized what’s usually impossible is time!

I learned 3 things.

1. Without a time line, I wouldn’t start! Without a time line, there’s no pressure of accomplishment or commitment to make the impossible happen.
2. Complaining about how much time I have (or don’t have) doesn’t give me any more time. Complaints consume thoughts, words, and actions that could be focused on getting it done now. I don’t waste time with complaints. Spectators complain. Players play. I can always call a time out to huddle, and then get back on the field with a clear play.
3. When I see the finished product, it’s a little like magic. Something was invisible, and then it’s visible. It’s the cycle of creation, manifestation, and fulfillment. Vision, action, and completion. All combine to bring something new into being.

As I get ready for this week, I’m taking a moment to appreciate the thrill of accomplishment, whether it happens fast or slow, or feels like an exquisite ballet, or like it’s taking forever to get to first base. I keep playing.

That’s how you make the impossible possible and win the infinite game.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

Saturdays are hike days with my husband. Last Saturday our son joined us.

As I walked along the conversation between the two of them drifted across the airwaves like background music … soft and part of my steps forward up the hill.

I was more focused on breathing in and out until something my son said stopped me.

“I’m not getting overwhelmed with what is, I just keep moving in the direction I want to go, even if it’s slow going.”

Since it’s easy to get overwhelmed with decisions, duties, and what needs to get done I thought this was wise counsel. 

Overwhelm has more to do with a focus on the future than the reality of what’s happening right now. What’s the antidote to overwhelm? 

If you’re overwhelmed and restless, then expend more effort in the direction you want to go. Up the ante! It’s energy that needs to be directed. 

If you’re overwhelmed and exhausted, then take a nap, and wake up refreshed enough to know what matters. That’s when I lace up, and go for a run to clear out the cobwebs of overwhelm thinking! 

Take the case that you’re not overwhelmed. If not, what is it? 

More than likely, there are some parts of your life in flux. That’s life. Not everything is perfect. You, like me, are a work in progress. Something beautiful being revealed with every step chipping away like a fine sculptor at work, making you who you are today. 

What is the gift in what you are learning today? Focus on the gifts, and the pressure of overwhelm will guide your actions, not stop them.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

I finished reading a book called The Shoemaker’s Wife, and as sometimes happens in reading a work of fiction a phrase jumps off the page that strikes me as words of wisdom to contemplate.

I write it down because if I don’t I only remember that I read something interesting, but I won’t remember the exact phrase that got me thinking! Then I have to go back and find it, which is like looking for a needle in a haystack of words.

Good fiction reads like the truth. It transports you to the world it describes. When I read the following words, I stopped and reflected on the truth it revealed.

“Sorrow must galvanize you, not define you.”

This book is a rich telling of a story of hope and hard work. Of commitment, risks, family, and timing. It’s a story of characters I recognized in friends and family and coworkers.

If you’ve ever experienced sorrow this hits home. Regardless whether the sorrow is momentary or grows into regret.

Galvanize is a strong word. It means to stimulate or startle into action. What if we took an emotion and instead of defining us, it woke us up.

Isn’t that what startle means? To disturb or agitate suddenly, like an alarm.

I started playing with the phrase and could add any strong emotion and it’s meaning was powerful.

Regret must galvanize you, not define you.

Unhappiness must galvanize you, not define you.

Worry must galvanize you, not define you.

What defines you?

Define yourself, as you want to be and be in action to make it so.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

I was half listening to an interview on one of my drives home from Los Angeles. The endless Pacific Ocean framed by the windows of my speeding car rolled in and out with waves and surfers.

The grandson of Alexander Calder was being interviewed since there was an exhibit coming to town showing his grandfather’s famous mobile sculptures.

I started listening with more attention when he spoke of what was important about this work.

To really see them was to experience the space around them.

The interview ended, and my mind drifted off on the word space. No concept to attach to, but an inner knowing that it’s the space between the notes that makes music.

Love is space. The space to be who you are, and allow another to be who they are.

Choice is space. The space between thought and action.

Creativity is space. The space to invent something new.

Steve Jobs said it was his job to create the space for people doing the work. They were the moving force of his success. Frank Lloyd Wright said space is the breath of art.

Space gives you room to breathe.

What is the space you’re creating for your relationships, your art, and your choices? What is the space you’re creating at home and at work?

These are the questions that are tapping my awareness like the movement of a Calder’s mobile caught in a soft breeze of possibility.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

I often get asked the question why am I always so happy!

This question can come from strangers or friends.

I usually smile and reflect on what I appreciate about my life. But on one occasion I simply said, “I choose to be happy.”

That answer stopped the conversation, and my friend nodded his head and laughed. He said that’s a worthwhile habit to have!

So I thought about it.

Could happiness be a habit?

A habit is after all a way of practicing. It can be an acquired behavior regularly followed, or it can be a prevailing characteristic or quality. For me it’s a little bit of both, but clearly an approach I use to respond to what happens in life everyday.

My happiness habit has always been grounded in action, and it has served me well.

• I don’t complain. I turn my complaints into requests.
• I don’t get frustrated with others or myself. I use my frustration as energy to get things done, or to find another way if I run into a roadblock.
• I don’t get angry. I use anger as an alarm that wakes me up to stop, look into a situation, and ask questions.
• I don’t become rude. I tell the truth with compassion.

I’m less impatient. Patience is a virtue, and although I’m not as virtuous as I could be, I don’t act out of impatience. I smile instead and wait. That’s when my happiness habit is strongest. In the silent smile that gives room for another’s expression.

Where two or more are gathered in happiness it creates a bond that lifts our spirits, acknowledges our connection, and encourages understanding.

What is your happiness habit? It starts with choosing to be happy today.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

Several times a week I walk up a winding road from where I live in Santa Barbara to the ridge road that looks out over the city and ocean. Each time I pass a car sitting in a carport with the bumper sticker, My religion is loving kindness.

It hits me in the right spot—not preachy, or judgmental—just a simple statement of purpose that nearly everyone could agree is a good thing. 

The other day I saw a lady getting into that car and I commented that I liked her religion, and she smiled and said, “Yes, it’s kind of universal isn’t it?”

That small interchange left me glowing and more alive.

Flash forward to today when I walked past the ridge to the valley down below. The air was crisp, the sun was shining, with green spaces that would never be developed by human hands on both sides of my path. 

Then it came to me—loving kindness is my religion too.

I guess the idea had worked its magic on me, without me even knowing it. I smiled at every person I met on the trail and they smiled back, as if we were all in on a big secret—that life is happening right now, and we are here to enjoy it. In one interchange I said to a young woman passing by, “Pretty great day, yeah?” and she said to me, “It’s gorgeous. We are lucky to be here.”

I liked that. A lot.

Again I felt the thrill of being alive and sharing it with a complete stranger. 

I thought more about loving kindness as my personal religion and realized I had a lot of reservations about religion. I’ve never liked rules, especially if they require belief, and in particular I’ve never cared for the “you will go to hell if you don’t follow the rules” rule. I was surprised that I even considered being part of a religion.

So I tried it on. 

Can I worship at the altar of loving kindness? Yes, I can do that. Can I only worship at the altar on Sundays? No, it’s open all the time. I can worship at the altar of loving kindness every day, with everyone I encounter on my path. 

And if I forget to worship, or hold back my love or kindness from others, I can still practice it by loving and being kind to myself.

A simple act, to love and be kind, is my religion.

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks!

We’ve probably said or thought that at some point in our lives. It’s a way of accepting as fact that someone stops being open to learn. Are you an old dog that can’t learn new tricks?

A new way of thinking?

A new way of solving problems?

A new way of looking at what life brings to your doorstep each day?

It is hard! It seems that often opinions get entrenched as we get older, and it’s difficult to change something we’ve been doing or saying for a long time whether it makes us happy, healthy, wealthy or not.

Then along comes an old dog that thinks differently, solves problems creatively, and approaches life with a sense of equanimity no matter what happens. I have a person like this in my life who others, young and old, describe as someone who is Smart:

• Operates from intuition
• Decides from data
• Looks for and applauds success
• Declares breakdowns before they happen
• Finds possibilities in every situation
• Brings out the best in people

And he does it consistently. So if you’re like me, you pay attention. What is the approach being used that creates this way of being? Is it innate or years of practice?

Here’s what I’ve learned so far.

He asks questions with real interest. He wants to know what you think; he already knows what he thinks. He talks less and listens more. People around him start taking accountability for the results they want to achieve in their life. He cheers them on so what they learn from him becomes a practice instead of a single event. People around him of all ages are learning, stretching, and growing. Including him!

And instead of how we’ve already, always thought about life, we’ve suspended our opinions long enough to wake up to something new.

It’s like stretching your arms up over your head and taking a deep breath when you wake up in the morning. It gets the kinks out of your body, the limited thinking out of your head, and frees your spirit.

Here’s to learning some new tricks. Find something in your life that you’ve decided was impossible and instead, consider that it is possible. Let that opening stretch your thinking today.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

A friend was in pain. Trying to figure out the best course of action to take in response to a changing landscape in her life. She was burden by decisions. She was constantly getting advice from those around her both solicited and unsolicited.

Probably like most of us, when faced with change, she said, “I just have to get away, and then I can figure out what to do next.”

Instead she did something that surprised me. She told everyone she was going on a silent retreat, and to kindly not call her. If something was urgent they could email. She realized that going to a retreat center would be another thing to do, so she took her silent retreat at home. She stopped waiting to “get away,” and instead started right where she was.

• She wanted to stop talking, and start being present to take a breath.
• Stop reviewing the past.
• Stop wishing it could have been different from exactly how it was.
• Stop hearing what others would do in her circumstances.
• Stop the how come this is happening to me, and replace it with the space to consider what she wanted to do next.

She gave herself the gift of space, and the change was remarkable.

She recognized her ability to deal with the chaos of life.

After the retreat, she still got advice, still had actions to take, but her inner landscape had changed. 

She understood the age-old philosophy of Heraclitus that you can’t step into the same river in the same place.

Everything flows, nothing stands still. It may look the same, but every moment is new.

Change isn’t just central to the universe; it’s central to your universe. It may surprise you, but there it is in all its wonder and difficulty, transforming your life.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

Life is evolution.

If you’re still here you’re evolving. It’s called growth!

If you’re not growing you may be as settled as a still pool, but if the water doesn’t flow it can lead to stagnation. As if the water is trapped.

You just have to remember that you can get out of the trap.

How?

By recognizing that it’s usually a trap of your own thinking! And you have to exercise your evolutionary muscles to start thinking in a new way.

Last week provided an opportunity to notice my own evolutionary “muscles” at work. This came as a result of watching a friend in action. As so often happens, it’s easier to recognize a de-evolutionary approach in another than to see it in one’s own self!

This is what happened. I watched my friend as he was listening to questions.

I heard the questions as requests for information.

He heard the questions as resisting his authority, ideas, and goals.

Then he asked me to coach his folks on their resistance! Instead, I gently asked him about his resistance to being questioned. He quickly realized that his own resistance had him trapped!

And, then, as evolution would have it, someone questioned me. My inner dialogue was:

• Don’t they know who I am?
• Why would they 2nd guess me?
• Don’t they trust I have the right answer?

LOL.

EVOLVE! Do you see LOVE in the word?

When love came into the picture, I listened to every question that life threw at me as someone looking for information.

I worked my evolutionary muscles to answer each question with a pause. It gave a moment to reflect rather than resist. It also made room to answer, “I don’t know, let’s look.”

So when both my friend and I let love in, the trap of resistance disappeared; answers and strategies were easily defined, and relationships thrived.

So if you feel trapped for whatever reason, remember the old saying, if it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger. That’s evolution! You come back better, wiser, and more evolved than ever.

Let love be our guide today as we work our evolutionary muscles, and grow in both our understanding and performance.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

I was listening recently to a song my husband wrote over 30 years ago, and it goes like this:

I noticed when I took a hike this morning, and deepened my breath, my mind emptied and then filled with gratitude.

There wasn’t any particular focus to my gratitude even though I have many reasons to be grateful, with love at the center.

Love of family

Love of health

Love of body, mind, and spirit

Love of working and being productive

Love of friends

Love of hiking

Love of running

Love of being outdoors

Love of saying yes to requests I can fulfill

Love …

When I do not love it’s very hard for me to be grateful. They seem to go together along with laughter, smiling, optimism, curiosity, and snuggling.

As the week started, I imagined I would bring a grateful heart into all my actions. So I asked myself:

Can I tell the truth with a grateful heart? Yes!

Can I listen with a grateful heart? Yes!

Can I ask questions with a grateful heart? Yes!

Can I go to work with a grateful heart? Yes!

Can I make decisions with a grateful heart? Yes!

The world can use a little more love and gratitude, laughter and optimism, curiosity and snuggling!

Enter each day with a grateful heart.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

I had some quiet time one morning as the sun was rising over Santa Barbara, and a line from my dreams the night before popped into my head loud and clear:

You’re not really tired!

I was startled by the recollection as I didn’t remember the dream, just the voice, but somehow knew it was important. As I sat with my cup of coffee, I thought about being tired and its different meanings.

Two came to mind.

1. Delicious tiredness that comes from planned physical exertion or the end of a successful workday when you get into bed, and you’re peacefully asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. Rest is restorative, and you wake up the next day feeling better than ever.
2. Exhausted tiredness that comes from depleting resources whether it’s mental, physical, or emotional where rest doesn’t come easily even though you may know the antidote is to “get some rest.

I know rest works! If you’re coming off a physical injury it’s like magic. You just need a little patience, and with time comes recovery.

But how do you give a tired mind or emotions the time to heal?

That’s where the directive I heard, “You’re not really tired,” comes in handy.

If you’re like me when you have mental fatigue the last thing you want to do is get up and move. But that’s exactly what I did the day of my “dream”. I went for a long walk on the beach, and when I returned I noticed I wasn’t tired. I was refreshed and peaceful.

There seems to be a relationship for me between tired and time. I’d been telling myself I was tired, and didn’t have time. It’s funny when you catch yourself in the middle of an excuse that doesn’t really get to the truth of the matter. And the truth is:

You don’t run out of time, and you don’t manage time; you just take the time to give your “tired” body, mind, or spirit what it needs to heal.

Tiredness comes sneaking in when you’re waiting to do what’s fulfilling.

 You’re not really tired you’re just waiting.

I stopped waiting.

Make time today to do something that fulfills you.

You ‘ll find you have all the energy you need, because you’re not really tired.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

A guest post from Michael Davis

Socrates spoke one of history’s most enduring statements at his trial for heresy, when he was accused of encouraging his students to question the established beliefs of the day and think for themselves.



He said, "The unexamined life is not worth living."



I have thought a lot about that statement through the years. What does it mean to examine your life?



Why would Socrates choose death (he was given the alternative of a life in prison) if he were not free to look, with his students, at what is important and true?



It seems to me that an unexamined life is one that accepts, without question, what others believe to be true. In many ways this is the easier path. You find someone, or groups you admire or believe in, and let them tell you what is important and true.



They do your thinking for you. All you have to do is believe it.



The road less travelled is the path of direct awareness.



When you examine what you value, what you love, and what you want to do with the rest of your life, you come into direct contact with what it all means to you. In our training programs we used to call this the conversation behind the conversation.



One of the most potent areas to examine is your reaction to the events and circumstances of your life.



When I get angry for instance, if I can have the presence of mind to look within myself for the source of that anger, rather than assume it’s the other person’s fault, a rich new world opens to me, and I realize that behind the anger is the meaning I give it.



The situation doesn’t make me angry, but what it means to me does.



Another great area for examination is to look deeply at what you love. I discovered, not too long ago, that I love writing fiction. I am 200 pages into a novel that I started over 30 years ago and put on the shelf. Now, every day I get up and write another chapter. I get to say all the things that mean something to me, through the mouths of my fictional characters.



So, this week examine what motivates you to do what you do, and think what you think, and say what you say. Use direct awareness to look at your reactions and their source. Look behind the meaning you attach to what happens in your day, and see if it is important and true, or a holdover from the past. 



And most of all look at what you love… and then make your life about that.

Does anyone ever ask you to tell him or her the truth? They tell you to:

Be direct

Be a strait shooter

But are you telling the truth or giving an opinion?

It happened slowly and over time for me to realize that my opinions are not the truth. And it’s taken me a lifetime to soften my opinions. My opinions are simply what I’ve decided so far.

And when someone challenges my opinion instead of arguing, I’ve trained myself to listen.

Sometimes I have to remember that I’m not on the Fox channel as the opposing opinion, pointing out the errors in others’ thinking, but someone who sees thought as action, asking questions to uncover original or creative thought to discover what can change in order to have a fulfilling life.

This week several people shared news on what they were going to do in the matter of their lives. I definitely had opinions!

One was a complex financial matter, and another was a relationship that was disintegrating.

In the financial matter it was easy to listen. The person was at a point of decision after months of analysis. He already knew what to do. The road to decision can be painful, but once a decision is made, the path unfolds in all of its glory, surprises, and challenges. And I agreed with his decision.

But often the state of pre-decision is agonizing especially in matters of the heart, and it’s harder to listen.

I’ve heard where two or more are gathered there is God. I’ve also found that where two or more are gathered there are opinions. And when they are:

• Strongly held.
• Fixed on changing the other person.
• Fueled by one’s own importance on being right.
• Indifferent to the needs or desires of the other person.

It’s a recipe for divorce.

It’s hard not to take sides where two people are concerned.

Likeability is a factor.

So as I was stewing about how to be helpful, my most trusted coach reminded me that there are always two sides to every situation. If you want to help don’t take sides. Just be present to listen.

In that moment I realized that I was helping one person be right instead of healed.

The lesson I learned?

When I’m attached, I’m not much help! I operate from my opinions instead of from love. And what people need from me are not more opinions. Otherwise I’d be signing off by saying, “My opinions go with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment!”

Love is not a passive state or a feeling that is with you one moment and gone the next.

Love allows acceptance so you can gaze into another and see who they are. When I soften my gaze to look into the eyes of another from love, I find that my opinions also soften. Differences of opinion against a background of love co-exist peacefully.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

How often do you get to undo something before you do it? In my case, not often enough.

This week I drafted an email and was about to hit send when a soft voice whispered in my ear. “Don’t hit send out of frustration.”

And I hesitated ever so slightly with the arrow hovering in place. Instead of clicking send, I got up and decided to go for a walk. When I returned I kept the email safely in my draft mailbox, and didn’t send that day.

The next morning when I awakened, my peace of mind was restored.

Nothing to regret.

Nothing to explain.

Nothing to clear up.

Some things are better left unsaid. There’s wisdom in the old saying to sleep on it. It gave me time to think about, not just what to say, but how to say it, and consider if it needed to be said.

There are times when the wisdom is to speak up, but sometimes it’s better to be still. At least until the frustration passes, and peace of mind takes its place.

My advice: Write the email. Get it off your chest. Just don’t hit send.

This morning, I re-read the email and smiled. Then I hit delete.

Ah … so simple. Instead of coming to a conclusion, I stayed open to learn more. 

A good way to start the week.

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.

I remember my early years at grammar school on Valentine’s Day we would get big bags of valentine’s cards, and give one to everyone in our class. No one was left out of the gift of a valentine message

 No matter how flimsy the little cards were constructed or how cheesy the messages were, the memory still brings a smile and a delicious sense of how a simple exchange could last across the years.

What if today we made that our practice?

It’s as simple as giving everyone in your schoolroom of life a valentine today. You can still buy the big bags of valentine cards or you can just give:

A valentine of your smile

A valentine of your understanding

A valentine of appreciation

A valentine of kind words

A valentine of peace

A valentine of respect

A valentine of attention

A valentine of playfulness

Let love be your guide today, and don’t leave anyone out of the gift of your valentine.

Have fun today.

My love goes with you as you play with this Uplifting Moment.

Guest post by Michael Davis

I had an experience this week that was both remarkable and rare, at least for me.

I was at peace.

I was driving around the town where I live, a place I have grown to love as if it were another member of my family, my window was down and the bright sun was shining on my arm, and I thought to myself, that I had nothing to do, nowhere to go, nothing to achieve, no unmet dragons to slay or damsels to save, and for that moment and several moments after, I was at peace.

Now I know that peace is a difficult state of mind to cultivate. God knows I’ve tried my whole life either to find it, or keep it when it comes. But here it was, almost the antithesis of my personal mission, which is to do something remarkable with my life; to attain the impossible, and win the prize at the end.

And so I began to look into what allowed these few moments of peace. And this is what I found:

Peace is who I am – I am not the gerbil on the treadmill. I am free.

Peace is not a destination – It doesn’t come because you’ve been good, or because you’ve finally arrived. It comes with the realization that letting go is more fun than holding on.

Peace comes when you stop looking for it – You can look all you want, but eventually you come back to the moment you’re in, and the sheer joy of being alive and aware of it.

Peace is not a weapon, a political ideology, or a reason to leave – There are some things in life that are just fine as they are, with no need to label, change, or improve them. Peace is like that.

Peace is available when wanting ends – Nothing needs to be added or taken away, for me to be happy and at peace, right now.

If peace is the light that enters the room of my mind, then that room is brighter today. I can see more opportunities when I look out my windows, and I’m more willing to risk, that it might disappear, or even that it could be greater than I ever imagined it to be.

My wish for you is to be at peace.