Have you ever hired someone, and then puzzled over what you saw in him or her in the first place?

And then you fired them, and wondered what took you so long?

I hope you’re not thinking of your husband, wife, or partner! The truth is so obvious after the fact. How can you interrupt a failure cycle sooner or avoid the failure in the first place?

Here are the eight rules I use to move from failure to success in relationships and goals.

1. The Rule Of Correlation. When someone has annoying habits, don’t overlook them. How they communicate now is connected to how they’re going to communicate later. If they blow up over incidental details that’s how they’re going to be with any change no matter how small. OK I know you really need someone. Wait and find the right one. No desperate hires or relationships!

2. The Rule Of Objectivity. Don’t take things personally, even if it is a personal failure. Create a bigger context to view the failure from. Love is good. Considering the highest good of all concern works. Gratitude works. Create a context that doesn’t minimize but also puts whatever happened in perspective. You’re not perfect nor are you a victim! You are great!

3. The Rule Of Confidence. Don’t see yourself or others as failures. There’s a world of difference between acknowledging that you failed, and branding yourself a failure. One builds accountability and character, the other prolongs defeat. You can fail and not be a failure.

4. The Rule Of Determination. Focus on what’s possible and what needs to be done. You’ll quickly move out of failure mode into success mode. Don’t repeat the errors that caused the failure.

5. The Rule Of Change. Reset the conditions for success. If you’re not changing you’re probably holding on to what is, rather than considering what could be. Embracing the attitude of being an eternal student opens a channel to see what you’re currently blind to or willingly ignore. What detail do you push aside thinking that you’ll get to it one day? The failure to act is hidden in waiting for conditions to change instead of causing transformation through action.

6. The Rule Of Control. Determine what is inside of your control. Blame automatically shifts events to outside of your control. What you say either limits you or causes you to think differently. It indicates what you think is possible, and impacts what you can negotiate and make happen now. What are you saying about your life? What are you doing about it?

7. The Rule Of Instinct. You have a natural and intuitive way of acting and thinking. It’s the hunch that steers you in the right direction. Pay attention to what you draw to yourself. If you’ve ever said, “I knew this was going to happen!” either with success or failure, you are aware of this rule. When what you draw to yourself is what you want, you’re listening and paying attention to your inherent “know it” voice.

8. The Rule Of Order. Determine what to do first each day and your day will flow more easily. How do you determine what’s first? Ask yourself what matters most. It’s as simple as that.

Remember that rules are a system of principles that govern behavior. You can lay down the rules for your own evolutionary growth.  What rules can you institute that make a difference in your life and the lives of others?

My love goes with you as you work with this Uplifting Moment.