Yes. That’s right. I said litigators. They are the gunslingers of lawyers, but I’ve worked with enough attorneys to know that they are also smart, realistic, and weigh risks better than most. Someone once asked me what they should say in a deposition and I told them to tell the truth. They were actually asked in their deposition if they had spoken with me, and when they said yes, the opposing counsel asked them what I said. They said, “Tell the truth.” Our attorneys just smiled.

So what can litigators teach you about LIFE?

They’ve helped me learn the following lessons:

1. Make clear agreements you are able to fulfill. No fantasies here. Only results count.
2. Do your own discovery. Discovery is the right to find out everything you and others know about a situation. No attachment, interpretation, or spin, just the facts as they were written or recorded. It’s too late after the fact to say that you didn’t mean what you wrote, agreed to, or emailed! If it’s not in writing, it’s he said, she said. (Oh, have I learned this the hard way!)
3. Answer questions truthfully, but don’t embellish, assume, or add. This is harder than it sounds, since you may want to explain or give your reasons for what you do and don’t do. You may assume you know what the other person is thinking, you don’t. You find out by asking.
4. Listen non-defensively and don’t react to what’s being said. Anger or frustration can cause you to blurt the don’ts in lesson #2. Keep cool and focused.
5. Say you don’t know, when you don’t. Don’t make anything up or guess. This is a freeing practice. You may become mindful of how much you guess rather than know!
6. Realize that once you initiate action, it has a life of its own. Be clear on your intention so that your vision of what’s possible organizes the actions you take.
7. Understand what’s at risk when you speak, whether it’s a demand, request, or giving information. Your words matter in building a relationship of trust and make a difference in the outcome.
8. Know when to push.
9. Know when to stop.
10. Acknowledge that everyone thinks they’re right.

In situations that are adversarial, meaning there are two opposing sides, you don’t have to be hostile. None of the lessons above have hostility at the core. All have truth and interest at the core. And yet when we talk about legal situations we call them battles. Intense yes, battles not necessarily.

There are other ways to sort out differences or come to an agreement using these same lessons, before it escalates out of control and you need a litigator!

So here’s the practice:
1. Be clear up front, about what you’re agreeing to, and what the other person is agreeing to. Ask clarifying questions if you don’t understand what something means. Read every line of every agreement. No surprises. This actually builds a great relationship with both parties. You get to know each other and what you both value. The time to negotiate is in the beginning.

2. Before the glow of agreement fades, decide what to do in case of a breakdown. Breakdowns happen. Build it into the agreement. So if there’s a disagreement, a problem, or things change, you can sit down with the other party and have an honest dialogue about what happened. Work together to come up with a solution that serves all interests to the best of your ability. Make sure it’s not burdensome to either party. This way you don’t burn bridges, you build relationships.

3. If the disagreement persists, get a 3rd party mediator or coach that could listen to what happened, and coach parties to a mutually agreeable solution. Remember lesson #9. When everyone thinks they’re right, it’s good to have someone be neutral and help you look at what’s possible, as well as what it will cost you (money, time, relationships) to continue the disagreement.

4. If you’re out of your league, or someone is very adversarial, call a lawyer first before you do anything. The counsel and direction you get is worth the money! And it can give you a very valuable cool down period.
Have fun with this uplifting moment. I did! I smiled all the time I was writing this. Unlike Shakespeare’s famous quote, I love lawyers. Let me know if you have any other insights you’ve learned from litigators!

My love goes with you as you work with this uplifting moment.